Jack Bauer and His "Man Bag"
Friday, June 30, 2006 at 09:14AM 
OK. I admit it. I love "24." I don't get to watch it on TV, but do enjoy it on DVD when I can watch more than one episode at a time.
If you are a 24 fan, you are probably aware of all the Jack Bauer jokes making their way around the internet.
More than likely, you've also seen the discussion about Jack's "man bag," (as seen in the picture). Some have used this to challenge Jack's legendary toughness. "If Jack Bauer is so tough, why does he carry a purse?" His defenders reply, "That's not a purse, its a sack of whoopass!"
In the bag, Bauer carries his handgun, numerous magazines (he seems to have an unlimited supply for any gun and caliber he happens to be using), his cell (which always has four bars--who is his provider?), and his trusty PDA which keeps him connected to Chloe and others back at CTU.
But for once, I am on the cusp of male fashion! I have carried a "man bag" for years--my trusty leather satchel. While I keep my Glock and extra mags at home, I too, am fully prepared for any contingency.
I have my emergency meds (eucalyptus cough drops, sinus stuff, aspirin, and Immodium--whether they admit or not, every preacher's greatest fear is that "Immodium moment" when you are in front of a congregation). I also have my weapons: my Bible, the ecumenical creeds and Reformed confessions, a copy of the church order, and whatever book I may need depending upon my current assignment (i.e. Louis Berkhof's Systematic Theology, Horton's book God of Promise). I also have support materials, such as business cards, dry erase markers (you never know when you'll need them), and a tin of altoids. I am fully prepared for any contingency.
But are others as well prepared? What does Rick Warren carry in his "man bag"? What about an emergent church pastor? What does he (or she) carry around? What about an Arminian or a dispensationalist?
Any thoughts?
Reader Comments (24)
I know Jack doesn't have much time for reading, what with all the grueling days he has to get through, but I wonder if, in addition to all the "magazines" for his Glock, Tag, Baretta, Micro RF, etc., he might also carry magazines of the periodical variety - perhaps "Modern Reformation?"
Books -- always a bible, whatever book I am working through, currently Kuyper, lectures on calvinism and <ahem> Riddlebarger on Amillenialism. A flashlight, twine, SAK, lighter, spare Palm Pilot, digital camera w/ extra batteries, and, uh, tools.
BTW, this topic comes up periodically on Internet gun fora.
anyone else feel weird reading the term 'man-bag,' for various and obvious reasons, over and over?
bauer's man-bag is just another, more cool version of george's wallet...i have neither, just a messy car.
an arminian man-bag must be like a hat in a magic show in which faith, like a rabbit, is pulled out of no where. ta-da! see, you may not have seen it coming, but God KNEW i was going to do that (3 cheers and a free pass to heaven for me)! and an sbc man-bag probably has...ugh, ran out of sarcasm juice...i need another drink...see you after 5 PM.
One is my pilot's bag (earphones, sectional maps, fuel tester, etc.)
Then my car bag (chains, jumper cables, backup umbrella)
Third, a gym bag. And you're right, Pastor Kim. Always have Altoids handy here. If not an extra set of toothpaste and a toothbrush. Also, deodorant and cologne if you're going to be around the fairer sex.
Fourth, a book & laptop bag. The laptop, of course, has several dozen Bibles (various translations in various languages) as well as Calvin's Commentaries, Institutes, and Hodge's ST. If you really want it, you can even throw Kittel's TDNT and BDAG or Schaff's ECF's in there, too. Armed and ready, like a Minuteman, to go to battle for the faith.
I was never a Boy Scout, but my mama did raise me right. Christian men should always be prepared...by using "man bags."
Emergent pastors don't use leather man bags; they prefer Sojourners tote bags made from hemp (they also have several other bags sitting around, but they're never sure which one to use since they all have limitations, and how could anyone in this postmodern age rely on just one bag?). Inside they have a goatee comb, the latest Anne Lamott book, an MP3 player filled with U2, and extra rectangular glasses (they have a Bible, but it's in one of those other bags, the one they used to use back when they were less authentic...)
don't be so sure...it might be the only place he *can* keep some brew!
First of all it would have to be a gigantic bag - big enough to carry at least 132 different Bible translations.
I assume he would also have a few spare Hawaiian shirts.
I've also heard a rumor that Joel Osteen is releasing his own line of man bags - "Your Best Man Bag Now."
My wife and I are also 24 fans and while we have wondered as to his 'man bag' it is reassuring to know that a solid man of God also can muster the testosterone to pull that off. However; I believe that my wife will never recover from our dearly beloved Pastor Kim using the word “whoopass”. She is consulting the WCOF as we speak. I on the other hand think that it is a fabulous post. That is exactly what it takes to fight off those intrenched dispensationalists...immodium.
Thanks for the laugh
Rob and Melodie who has now turned to the Three Forms of Unity for comfort.
Unfortunately, people have teased me for carrying everything in my wallet. I am convinced that I have the fattest wallet on record. It is so fat and tight that it doubles as my weapon of choice. Many fools, who have tried to jump me at an ATM, have experienced a world class and brusing whoopass from my wallet.
But, hey, maybe I should try the bag.
Larry
- A black Sharpy, to uses as a hihlighter, on any bible verses that have a negative tone to them (wrath, sin, self-denial, the 'H-word').
- A Peace Corps manual
- The Works of Al Gore (on the environment).
- A Jewish skull cap, so that he can look at home when he's preaching his purposes in the synagogs
- His iPod with Purple Haze on it.
- a spare set of clergy vestments (hawaiian shirt)
- His autographed copy of Shuller's New Reformation: Self Esteem book
And that's just in the main compartment of his purse:-)
It will be my last resort weapon with all pesky dispensational, wederdoper and arminian mosquitos: A 16-pound 10x12 NASB Bible (its that heavy because of its neat Ten Commandments appendix: Two real Tablets of Stone that is the exact copy of what Moses got)
Wham! Bham! and a little of a very strong alkaline metal with some water:Ka-Booom! No more itchy mosquitos.
And how about some explosive computing power on your lap:
http://photos1.blogger.com/hello/42/10213/1024/dell%20banger1.jpg
Fundy SBC types carry:
1. a KJV New Testament (no need for the Old)
2. a copy of John R. Rice's "Why I disagree with all five points of Calvinism."
3. a list of companies to boycott
4. leftover "W-04" bumperstickers
In seminary I carried:
1. My NASB
2. A copy of the "Baptist Faith and Message 2000" and "The 1689 Baptist Confession"
3. a cigar cutter
4. a flask filled w/ J.D.
5. A copy of "Polity" ed. by Mark Dever
[To keep any fundy's heartrate at a reasonable level, let me assure you that items 3 and 4 were not carried in my seminary man-bag]
As for the TV show 24 it is one of the most intense shows on TV. I own every season. Waiting for season 5 so I can rewatch it as I mist two weeks had cable problems.
Russ, What did you mean by that U2 remark. They are my favorite band and I think anyone who would want to unwind would bemfit from listening to U2.
Man Bag never thought of it that way. I carry a Bag to work so what!
I carry my Bible ESV Reformation Study Bible Of Course
Glasses
Tracts to Share the Gospel with others
Pens, Highlighter
Any book which I am reading {Hortons new Book Too goog to be true, and the Three Forms of Unity}. What else is there.
. . . Rick Warren may carry "handfuls of purpose". . .
. . . I personally carry my Sunday School curriculum and materials, along with church bulletins I've designed for my old church several years ago--kind of my own little portfolio, in case I encounter the opportunity to play amateur graphic designer in the future! (I only carry my man bag to church)