The Ten Commandments for Good Motorists
Wednesday, June 20, 2007 at 09:36PM 
The Vatican has recently introduced a document called "The Ten Commandments for Good Motorists." According to Reuters (Click here: Vatican issues 10 Commandments for good motorists | International | Reuters):
"Thou shall not drive under the influence of alcohol. Thou shall respect speed limits. Thou shall not consider a car an object of personal glorification or use it as a place of sin.
The Vatican took a break from strictly theological matters on Tuesday to issue its own rules of the road, a compendium of do's and don'ts on the moral aspects of driving and motoring.
A 36-page document called `Guidelines for the Pastoral Care of the Road' contains 10 Commandments covering everything from road rage, respecting pedestrians, keeping a car in good shape and avoiding rude gestures while behind the wheel.
`Cars tend to bring out the 'primitive' side of human beings, thereby producing rather unpleasant results,' the document said.
It appealed to what it called the `noble tendencies' of the human spirit, urging responsibility and self-control to prevent the `psychological regression' often associated with driving."
Yeah, right . . . Since I believe that few noble tendencies emerge (especially in males) while driving, I thought I'd take a stab at 10 Commandments for Driving of my own (which reflect a more Reformed/Augustinian view of sinful human nature, and more importantly, all my pet peeves):
1. You shall not raise your middle finger and point it at another driver. The other driver might be armed. Gun beats finger . . . (like rock beats scissors) . . . You Californians will understand.
2. You shall not dial out on your cell while driving. You probably can only do one thing well at any given time. In this case, that would be dialing and not driving.
3. You shall not pass on the right, nor go too slow in the fast lane. If you do either, you are a menace.
4. When a traffic light turns yellow, you shall apply your brakes. You shall not accelerate. If you do accelerate, you deserve that automated photo-ticket.
5. When turning, you shall use your turn signal. After turning, you must make sure your turn signal is off. If you don’t do the one, you are a menace. If you do the other, you look really stupid.
6. You shall not put plastic Jesus fish, nor Christian bumper stickers on your car. If you do and then speed or drive like a fool or yell at other drivers, it is a bad witness.
7. If you pray while driving, please keep your eyes open. H.T. to Richard Pratt.
8. You shall not drive at night in traffic with your high beams turned on when there is on-coming traffic. I don’t car how cool your high-tech halogens look, I can’t see when you do that.
9. You shall not play movies I like on your in-car backseat video system, as it makes me want to pull up alongside and watch. Play all the Veggie Tales and Sponge Bob movies for the kids you want. Never play Tombstone or Band of Brothers.
10. You shall never have an amplifier and subwoofer which goes all the way up to 11 (remember Nigel Tufnel?). If your side panels and trunk lid rattle enough to make my windows rattle, its too loud!
I'm sure some of you can come up with a few more commandments of your own . . .
Reader Comments (21)
You shall not brush your teeth, paint your nails or read War and Peace while in traffic.