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"Amillennialism 101" -- Audio and On-Line Resources
« Rowan Atkinson (I Mean Rowan Williams) Steps in It and Other Ineresting Stuff from Around the Web | Main | Who Said That? »

Things You Won't See in a Reformed Church -- Interesting Stuff from Around the Web

links%2011.jpgHere's something you won't see in a Reformed church--snake handling.  In the first place, most Reformed pastors I know are pretty skittish about critters (especially snakes and spiders).  Most of us believe that the "longer" ending of Mark (vv. 9-20) is probably not in the original text of that gospel.  Besides, we would be too busy debating the science of textual-criticism to actually handle a snake.   Click here: - Pastor Among the Arrested in Illegal Snake Trade Crackdown - Local News | News Articles | National N

Here's another thing you won't see in a Reformed church--a "beefcake" calendar.  Most Reformed guys I know are too geeky or too old to be seen in public without a shirt.  Some of us wouldn't want to reveal our Calvin tattoos in public.   Click here: - Man Who Created Calendar of Shirtless Mormon Missionaries Facing Excommunication - Local News | News

One more thing you won't see in a Reformed church is a "gun" giveaway.  Lets be clear here--it is not the church's responsibility to provide the youth with the appropriate fire-arms and training.  That is clearly a father's responsibility!   Click here: | Colorado's Online News Leader | Church cancels gun giveaway for teens

Finally, while many folk are in a dither about the FDIC's takeover of IndyMac and rising oil prices, Reformed Christians are in a dither about the sale of Anheuser-Busch to InBev and the fact that the Boston Beer Company (brewers of Sam Adams) is now the largest American-owned brewery.  Could it be that the European take-over of American breweries is tied to the rise of a revived Roman empire and will enable the future antichrist to control the masses?  How come no one is investigating this????  Where are the prophecy pundits on this one???  Click here: Brookston Beer Bulletin » Blog Archive » Samuel Adams, Biggest American Brewer

Reader Comments (20)

Kim you are a crack-up! We like reading your intros to these articles better than reading the articles. You have a good sense of humor and we need that now a days. Calvin tatoos............LOL
July 15, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterplw
I cordially invite Pastor Coots and his "full Gospel tabernacle" cult over here to Phoenix, for a fun filled weekend. He can feel free to pick up all of the snakes that he would like. (There is no law over here about playing with, and having fun with rattlesnakes!)

The more time that Coot and the cult can spend playing with our rattlesnakes, the less time they will spend in misinterpreting the Spriptures, and making a laughingstock of Christians.

Sadly, I have to think of Ted Turner during the "heavens gate" fiasco, when he said, "well, it's a good way to get rid of a few more nuts."
July 15, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLloyd
In some of my discussions with Christians and others regarding textual criticism and the long ending of Mark, I would have preferred handling snakes.
July 15, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterChris Malamisuro
Reformed and Presbies are almost cute when it comes to things involving beer (...and cigars...and firearms). But not as cute as evangies and their flow charts (...and Welch's...and Precious Moments). What true piety has to do with any of, I'll never figure out, but it sure is fun to watch.

I knew there had to be a reason I always reach for Sam Adams.
July 15, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterZrim
With regards to Budweiser being taken over by the Stella brewer. Well, no one is investigating it because it is Budweiser and therefore can only get better. Sam Adams is at least decent beer :)
July 15, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterR. K. Brumbelow
"...I knew there had to be a reason I always reach for Sam Adams..."

Yes, the best reason to reach for the Sam Adams is because it IS decent beer, unlike the brewed Mississippi flood water from St. Louis.

"...Lets be clear here--it is not the church's responsibility to provide the youth with the appropriate fire-arms and training..."

How true. "First Prophet" Nehemiah Scudder and his dictatorship are right around the corner the way it is. 'Course, instead of being a backwoods fundamentalist, as Heinlein saw it, Nehemiah may be facing East to pray three times a day.

"...Most Reformed guys I know are too geeky or too old to be seen in public without a shirt...."

As the venerable Red Green (Steve Smith) put it on one of his weekly comedy shows, " man over 40 should be seen in public without a shirt..." (and that goes for you, too, Harold)
July 15, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterGeorge
The buyout of Budweiser cannot be part of the end times because the new revived Roman Empire is no longer in Europe, it's in the Middle East! You covenant theologians just don't understand the importance of interpreting the Bible through the lens of the daily news and other current events. ^_^
July 15, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterR. Clevenger
I personally would love to see a gun giveaway in my Reformed Church. And this Reformed guy thinks that the longer ending in Mark is authentic...I know, I know...brand me a nut-case.
July 15, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSteven Carr
>I personally would love to see a gun giveaway in my Reformed Church.


Gun raffles are always popular. And I may somday, in God's providence, win something.
July 15, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterlee n. field
You're a funny guy Pastor.

You should keep the list going.

July 15, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDoug from AZ
Belgians taking over Budweiser can only be a good thing.
July 15, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterm B
I have vowed not to drink a Bud again. Thanks for the info on Sam Adams. Yuengling is America's oldest beer, and it is good too.

The end of Mark is genuine, I believe, and testified in the Acts story about Paul getting bit. Now he was not intentionally handling snakes (uh, tempting the Lord).
July 15, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJoe
I have to say ditto on the beer. The closest thing I have had to American beer was Coors Light. I much prefer the european brews (Guinness, Smithwicks, Old Jock). THe place where I buy my frosty adult beverages refuses to carry Bud and all of its other incarnations. I do have Sam Adams on my list to try though.

As to Yuengling, Ben & Jerry's did a "Black and Tan" that was really good.
July 15, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPaul C. Quillman
We mustn't think that the Lutherans have all the good beer reputation. Here is what George Bancroft (definitely NOT a Calvinist) said about Sam Adams:--

"....Bred as a Calvinist of the strictest sect, his riper judgment confirmed him in his creed. On church government he adhered to the Congregationalist forms, as most friendly to civil and religious liberty; was a member of the church; and the austere purity of his life witnessed the sincerity of his profession. Evening and morning his house was a house of prayer; and no one more revered the Christian sabbath. He was a tender husband, an affectionate parent, and could vividly enjoy conversation with friends; but the walls of his modhest mansion never witnessed anything inconsistent with the discipline of the man whos desire for his birthplace was that ‘Boston might become a Christian Sparta.'"
July 16, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDB

I'm just glad to know there's another "Red Green" fan at the Riddleblog!

(Personally, I think Red is Reformed, and Harold is Arminian and dispensational.)
July 16, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWayne Rohde
let us hope and pray that the InBev take over will steer the Busch company to make beer that is not "American Lager". Which as all reformed people know is not a quality lager. Oh, for the day that all Americans drink real man beer.
July 16, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterredpooba
Actually, all right-thinking people, no matter what their theological persuasion, know that "quality lager" is an oxymoron. You should all be drinking ales. Fact. :-)
July 16, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPhil Walker
There are lots of quality lagers... Sam Adams, Victory Lager and Prima Pils, German Pilsners, Bocks, etc etc etc...
July 16, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBrandon
Red Green has opened my eyes to the wonders of duct tape.
July 16, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCharles S
"... There are lots of quality lagers... Sam Adams, Victory Lager and Prima Pils, German Pilsners, Bocks, etc etc etc..."

Yes, indeed, and we have a craft brewery just down the road from us that produces one of the finest around (IMHO) this time of the year. They call it "Dog Days" Dortmunder-style lager.

July 16, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterGeorge

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