What If Calvinists Became the Majority . . . Not Gonna Happen . . . But What If . . .
Thursday, June 4, 2009 at 04:12PM 
Attendance at Joel Osteen's Lakewood Church in Houston would decline rapidly to the point that the property would be sold back to the city of Houston to pay off ministry debts. It would then be re-converted into a basketball arena.
Cigar smoking would once again be permitted in coffee houses, libraries, and sports venues. It would become commonplace for people to gather in such places (without being treated like a criminal) to talk about theology, politics, literature, fine arts, and music and enjoy a good cigar along with an adult beverage, tea, or coffee.
Reading habits would change. Grand theological libraries would be all the rage. World Magazine's top-ten best-seller list (the New York Times will quickly go belly-up because nothing in it is fit to print) will be dominated by theology, literature, and history titles. Poorly written legal thrillers, Rapture novels, and self-help books will be a thing of the past. The ESV Study Bible would sit near the top the best-seller list, followed by various theological reprints (mostly Puritan and continental Reformed writers) and biblical commentaries.
Fine beers and microbrews would no longer be taxed. Taxes would be tripled on cheap domestic beer however.
Single malt scotch wouldn't be taxed either, and all tariffs on such imports would be revoked. At the same time, alcoholism declines rapidly.
Businesses would voluntarily close on Sunday so people could both worship and rest on the Lord's Day.
Most TV networks will disappear--since very few people are still watching TV. The History Channel will finally produce a documentary on the Book of Revelation which does not mention Nostradamus and in which Greg Beale is the featured expert. Rod Rosenbladt takes Larry King's place and ratings skyrocket!
Voter registration would skyrocket for virtually all political parties and there would be spirited political debate before elections. Election turnout would be very high and people would gladly accept the outcome of these election as the will of God. No current US Senators will ever be elected to office again, and the seventeenth amendment will be quickly repealed.
The "National Cathedral" would be returned to the Episcopal Church for use in the ordination of gay, Arian, and Pelagian bishops. But no more state-sponsored religious services will ever be held there, or anywhere else for that matter.
All cats would be licensed and spayed and neutered before reproducing. Tax breaks (equivalent to that of a dependant child) will be given to dog owners.
No, I haven't become postmillennial! Just having fun!
Reader Comments (42)
Pat
I say that since I'm a 5 point calvinist and registered Democrat and cat owner. ;-)
You must be new here . . .
When you see a post under the "just having fun" category, it means exactly that. Of course, this is nothing more than my personal musings, and anyone who knows me, knows that to be the case.
You'll find that my sermons and theological writing are meant to be taken seriously. This post is not, so please don't.
The Riddlebarger's book on Amillennialism opened my thinking and destroyed what little dispensationalism was left from my 20 years of "normal" SBC churches.
But not all with this post - just for fun - is good. Bourbon is way better than scotch. German domestic (not export) beer rules. Cats are fine - if prepared properly. Dogs are companions.
It's good to have fun with such things occasionally. Down side is, reality is all the more depressing. Good thing this earth - and this country - ain't home.
Actually all tobacco smoke makes me feel ill, but cigar smoke is by far the worst.
If you were to have a meeting where you all smoked cigars--I wouldn't be able to attend. I'd get too sick.
So smoke them in your personal libraries--but please don't smoke them in public libraries I'm around. I like libraries. I'm often found in one.
This is why library cards are a good thing.
Now, as for beer in libraries...
We are throwing a hissy fit on this one
Whacking you with the cat o nine tails too!
I'll have you know that we are good reformed cats (we like beer)
hisss
Signed: -Bear and Hattie
He said basically that Westminster Seminary in CA is clueless / out of touch w/ reality regarding Calvinism, God's Sovereignty etc.
Also, Kim, Rod is not a Calvinist; he is a Lutheran [ha ha]
ESV is more about translation approach than it is about Calvinism.
Calvinists may simply be the seed that took root for a time and then died off under persecution (see Parable of the Sower).
Go Lutheran - much more comforting and more asurance. PLUS as a side benefit, you could have all of the above without feeling so naughty. :-)
Miss hanging with you guys Kim.
Peace
Craig
But in your system, Jesus dies and intercedes for people he doesn't save . . .
And where's the assurance in that???
Blessings!