Hope for Weekend Warriors

With the annual Christ Reformed Church picnic and softball game coming up soon (deacons v. elders), here's a little encouragement.  This guy is a major leaguer and none of our deacons or elders can look this bad . . .

Gotta Get Me an "Armor-Bearer"

I hear of such things going on in churches, but it is still hard for me to accept the fact that they really do.

In a recent opinion piece, J. Lee Grady (former editor of Charisma Magazine) mentions what he considers to be six really bad charismatic doctrines (h. t. Gene Veith).   

Only six?  Obviously, a subject for discussion another time.  But two of the six Grady mentions are simply incomprehensible to me. 
(6 Really Bad Charismatic Doctrines)

Number Three is bad enough . . .

3. Inaccessible leadership. In the 1980s, some charismatic ministries began to teach pastors and traveling ministers that in order to “protect the anointing,” they must stay aloof from people. Ministers were warned to never make friends in their congregations. Preachers began the strange practice of skipping worship on Sunday mornings—and then appearing on the stage only when it was time for the sermon in order to make a dramatic entrance. Shame on these people for attempting to justify arrogance. Jesus loved people, and He made Himself available to them. So should we.

I wonder if the elders would let me "hide" in back and then pop out at the pulpit at some dramatic moment?  Avoid making friends, and visiting with church members?  What an impoverished ministerial call and cold church that would be!

But it is number four on Grady's list which blows my mind:

4. Armor-bearers. The same guys who developed item No. 3 started this strange fad. Preachers began the practice of surrounding themselves with an entourage: one person to carry the briefcase, another person to carry the Bible, another to carry the handkerchief. Some preachers hired bodyguards … and even food-tasters! The armor-bearers were promised special blessings if they served preachers who acted like slave-owners. Reminder: True leaders are servants, not egomaniacs.

Can I really get someone to taste the food for me before the church potluck?  Someone to carry my bookbag, or extra-handkerchiefs--even though one is plenty, since a handkerchief stuffed in someone else's pocket usually doesn't do much but gross out others forced to touch it?  Some of these guys sweat up a storm--one Jesus-only type comes to mind.  People really expect to get healed from touching one of these guy's handkerchiefs?

We can even give the person a cool biblical sounding title--"armor-bearer."  I'm all for reasonable church security, but "armor-bearer," "food-taster" and personal butler?  We better dash off an overture to classis.  We are doing things all wrong . . .

But anyone I hired to protect me would be far more likely to be associated with terms like "armor-piercing" and "body-armor" than with "armor-bearer."

Amazing . . .

Baseball and Bacon

It was just a matter of time.  The perfect food-sports marriage.  Bacon and baseball.

The Lehigh Valley Ironpigs--the AAA affiliate of the Philadelphia Phillies--have a new look.  A strip of bacon on their cap and matching jersey is one of the logos for their "Saturday" home uniforms.

I'm not a fan of teams coming up with a slew of different jerseys solely for sales revenue--can't beat the pinstripes or the road "grays."  But this is pretty innovative.  The Ironpigs have a different look for each day.  Check out Saturday's "story" and "look."  Smell the Change

National Socialism Dies Hard

Moved by the joy and celebration of a wedding (and the archway made of raised musical instruments), Grandpa inadvertently reveals some of his deep-seated and long-held commitments!

A Valentine's Day Love Song (an Ode to German Philosophers)

H.T. Ken Samples

What's a Saturday Without a Good Joke?

Why is it so hard to solve a redneck murder?

There are two reasons . . .

1).  All the DNA matches

2).  There are no dental records

The Airing of Grievances

Alright, alright, I know that the "Airing of Grievances" is supposed to occur during the Festivus dinner on December 23rd (Festivus).  Since I performed the "Feats of Strength" and procured the Festivus Pole, and even witnessed a Festivus "Miracle," I couldn't let the Festivus season go without the "Airing of Grievances."

I have three grievances I wish to air this year (if the truth were known, I have a lot more than three, but these are the ones I feel like sharing).  You may add your own Festivus "Grievances" or describe your Festivus miracle or "Feats of Strength" in the comments section below.

Grievance # 1:  I do my Christmas and Festivus shopping online.  I usually enter a store's website as a "guest."  I make sure to click and remove the check mark from the microscopic box requesting that I be removed from future email advertisements from this company.  Since I made my purchases, however, I have been bombarded with emails (and even phone calls) from these same companies.  I won't tell you who these business might be (Omaha Steaks, Macy's, and Coldwater Creek to name a few), but I won't buy from any of them again.  At least until next Festivus.

Grievance # 2:  One of my favorite gifts each year is an Amazon gift card.  My cart is always packed, and I can starting emptying it out.  However, have you ever tried to scratch off the gray sticker over the gift card number without removing the numbers?  Nearly impossible!

Grievance # 3:  The BCS Bowl System.  The NCAA knuckleheads have managed to ruin one of the best days of the year.  It used to be that I would spend all day on New Years gorging myself on Christmas left-overs while watching college football bowl games.  There was the Cotton Bowl, the Rose Bowl, the Orange Bowl, and by the time the day was over, I had gained ten pounds, and the college football season was all wrapped up.  The sportswriters and coaches voted that night for their number one team, and by January 2, the season was all over.  Now the college football bowl season seems to last from Thanksgiving to Valentines' Day, with the most ridiculous of corporate sponsors, and that inane BCS selection system.  I want New Year's Day football back like it was in the good old days!

Happy (and belated) Festivus to all of you!

Maybe Kramer Was Right . . . There Are Pigmen

A leading geneticist (Dr. Eugene M. McCarthy), who specializes in genetic hybrids (such as mules--which are the offspring of a male donkey and a female horse), now claims that the first humans were also such genetic hydrids.  (h.t. Gene Veith:  Cranach)

McCarthy writes, "Here, I report certain facts, which seem to indicate that human origins can be traced to hybridization, specifically to hybridization involving the chimpanzee.  (but not the kind of hybridization you might suppose!)"  McCarthy goes on to contend, "so in the specific case of humans, if the two assumptions made thus far are correct (i.e., (1) that humans actually are hybrids, and (2) that the chimpanzee actually is one of our two parents), then a list of traits distinguishing human beings from chimpanzees should describe the other parent involved in the cross. And by applying this sort of methodology, I have in fact succeeded in narrowing things down to a particular candidate."

McCarthy muses, "What is this other animal that has all these traits? The answer is Sus scrofa, the ordinary pig. What are we to think of this fact? If we conclude that pigs did in fact cross with apes to produce the human race, then an avalanche of old ideas must crash to the earth."  This "fact"?  Really, Dr. McCarthy?

So then, on McCarthy's thesis, genetically speaking, humans are part chimp and part pig, because of the unique attributes of each animal being either present or absent in humans in critical anatomical ways.  Here's the link to the original article, if you choose to read it.  McCarthy on Human origins. 

Maybe Kramer was right all along!  Chimpanzee + pig = the first humans.  We are all "pigmen" or "pigwomen"!

Cynic that I am, this raises a host of questions in my mind.  The most obvious being this:  "how could a monkey successfully mate with a pig, not once, but twice, so as to produce both a fertile human mommy and a daddy (are not animal hybrids usually sterile?), so the two "hybrids" could in turn breed, and then become the genetic parents of homo sapiens?"

Gene Veith lays waste to McCarthy's thesis by posing another rather obvious question; "Since science is not an ideology or a philosophy of what can exist but a methodology, you would think this would be a hypothesis that can be tested experimentally.  Let’s see if a pig and a chimp could engender fertile offspring."  Get the appropriate samples, get the test tubes, and we'll see what happens!  Will we get a hairy baby pigman?  I kinda doubt it. 

It boggles the mind--doesn't it--that the more loopy the theory, the impressive people think it to be.  And all the while, Christians, who for good reasons, believe that Adam and Eve are the unique image bearers of God, as well as the biological and federal ancestors of the human race, are the ones considered to be "anti-scientific."

Who Are These Guys and What Did They Do?

Many of us have never heard of them, but what they did was truly remarkable.

Leave your guess in the comments section below

The Food Police

So, Rick Warren has a new diet book about to be released.  Surprise, surprise, it centers around 40 days of eating healthier.

I agree that a healthy diet is very important.  I am pretty strict about what I consume, and watch my weight.  I exercise regularly, and I strive to control my blood pressure with a low sodium diet.  I get it.

But why is it that celebrity pastors inevitably feel compelled to mind everybody else's business when it comes to food.  For Pete's sake, why do I need Rick Warren to tell me what to eat (actually he has two co-authors who are MDs who will tell me what to eat). 

Big deal, Rick Warren's lost weight.  Haven't we all at one time or another?  Sure, he's noticed "dunlap's" disease among more than a few of those attending Saddleback (Click Here).  He's concerned for them.  Fine.  Yet, what business is it of Rick Warren's if some people in his church eat too much?  Besides, gluttony has far more to do with the human heart than it does with someone's weight.  

One new form of legalism is food.  No so much what you eat, but what others eat.  If you don't eat "gluten-free," people have a fit.  Are you eating "Paleo?"  No, and remind me, what was the average life-span of a caveman?  About thirty?  Others ask me, "haven't you tried Kale yet?"  "It is a super food," whatever that is.  I always thought a "super food" was a large cheese, sausage, and pepperoni pizza washed down by a cold beer.  Or a western bacon cheeseburger with onion rings.  I cannot understand why some cabbage-like plant which tastes awful is a "super" anything--unless you throw it in your Nutri-Bullet, pulverize it into a million pieces, and then kill the bitter taste with an apple.

If Rick Warren can do it, I can do it.  I've decide to write my own diet book.  It will be eschatologically focused--"your resurrection body now"--and based upon seven-years of pure tribulation.  It will be self-published, and not distributed.  Why?  Because I don't care what you eat, so long as you leave me alone to eat whatever I want.  Trust me.  I'll do my best to eat a healthy diet.  And I know you will too.

There, now I feel better and I burned-off a few calories while composing this.